running down a dream

my good intentions never end the way i meant

seriously, i left that ugly picture of myself sitting at the top of my blog for almost 4 months? i apologize to your eyes.

things have been… umm, i don’t know.

work is… ugh ugh ugh. still at the same job, and SO over it. the holiday season didn’t help. it’s amazing how rude people can be. especially rich people. that’s what i get for working in rich people land. anyway. working on getting a new job, but it’s going slowly. you know, haven’t gotten rejections yet, but haven’t been contacted for any interviews either. frustrating. and i have zero patience. just want to put in my 2 weeks and be done with it. it’s not even close to worth the redonkulously low pay, the 40-mile-round-trip commute, and the early hours. i deserve a lot better.

school is… well, i’m on sabbatical this semester. does that even apply to students? or just teachers? anyway. fall semester went great (hectic and stressful and tiring, sure) – ended up with a 4.0. but as luck would have it, guess what? i can’t afford classes this semester. was registered for ONE class (chem) up until 2 weeks ago, and had to drop it before classes started so i could get my money back. so yeah. all of that sucks. looking into transferring to a ‘real’ school for the fall (already have applications in at a few places… and i’ve already been accepted at western carolina), but of course none of that is going to happen unless i get a full scholarship somewhere, basically. so i’m trying not to think about any of this until i hear about financial aid. which isn’t until late spring at the earliest.

other things that are annoying? still living at home. been here 5 months as of today. sure, i’m grateful for a place to live and appreciate the rent-free thing. but really, i don’t know. somehow living here brings me a sense of clarity that i don’t get anywhere else – and clarity about MY life is really not that enjoyable. in short, i’m miserable. my self-esteem is practically nonexistent right now (half of that is thanks to work situation), i have no real friends here, and i’m just waiting for a chance to escape.

ok, now that all of that reality stuff is out of the way, how about some good news?

running the nyc half marathon on march 20. been training for about 4 weeks now, haven’t managed to seriously injure myself yet, and i’m up to 5 miles for my long run. might not sound like a lot, but it’s a start. running a local 5k in 2 weeks, hopefully the weather will cooperate. tired of this snow stuff.

anyone have some extra karma? i could use some.

maybe my next post will be less complain-y.